The 99 Quirks of Lulu

This is the compilation of two installations of The 99 Quirks of Lulu: I’m Going to Die in the Walmart Parking Lot and This Jewdistian Doesn’t Believe in Creationism.

1. I can only wear found or gifted jewelry. If I wear jewelry that I bought for myself, it always either breaks or gets lost.
2. When sitting in a public place, I try to position myself so it would be difficult for a person to come up from behind me. We’s don’t want no surprises. No, seriously though. I’m pretty paranoid.
3. I can’t make eye contact when I’m telling a story. It’s not symptomatic of anything. I just can’t take in any visual information when I’m trying to give out verbal information.
4. I have to have a minimal amount of background noise when I’m working on something. The more tedious and repetitive the task is, the more sound I require.
5. I have serious claustrophobia. I hate elevators. I will walk six flights of stairs to avoid it (I’ve done it). I have nightmares about getting trapped in a tiny space. No matter how badly I want to get home, I’ll let a crowded bus pass to get on a later, less crowded one.
6. I am obsessed with office supplies. I cannot resist a sale. I hoard them.
7. I am so particular about my pens that I will only use specific brands, with gel ink, and only in 0.7 tip.
8. I have been wearing the same Capricorn pendant for 10 years. C.S. bought me a Taurus pendant at a craft sale 4 years ago and I haven’t taken it off since. I’m very superstitious about it. Every time I forgot to put it back on, something bad has happened. Last time was C.S.’s car accident.
9. I practice natal astrology. It can peg a person every time.
10. I put my hand in front of my mouth a lot. Ethology would call me a liar. But really, I’m just trying to hide.
11. I have a really difficult time lying. It produces an intolerable physical response, so I don’t do it unless I really have to protect myself.
12. I’ve bitten my bottom lip since I had teeth. I have pictures to prove it.
13. I am so particular about shoes that I only buy tennis shoes every three years. And that’s after they start taking on water. This is partially because my feet are abnormally wide, although they’re not very big. It takes a lot to find a comfortable, stylish shoe.
14. I honestly believe I’m going to die in some ridiculous, unbelievable accident or situation. I have this scenario about how I’m going to die in the Walmart parking lot. If you want to hear about it, ask in the comment section.
15. The numbers 1, 5, and 14 follow me everywhere. The bus number I’m on – 5157. I’m on a bus everyday that starts with 51. My birthday 1/14. My husband’s birthday 5/14. Just strange as hell. Coincidentally, no lie, this just happened to be 15!
16. I am a camel. I can hold it for hours on end. Longest held? 16 hours. I was 13, and stuck in a car with my parents on the way to Florida who refused to stop until we got there. By Virginia, everything below my waist was numb.
17. I have always had a problem regulating body functions. I can’t fall asleep, and then I can’t wake up. I am always thirsty, but I have difficulty knowing when I’m hungry. Sometimes, if I’m busy enough, I’ll forget to eat until I have hunger pains.
18. I have an incredible internal clock. I always know what time it is. Or maybe I’m just very observant of the position of the sun.
19. I yell at inanimate objects.
20. I can get a vibe from someone and know instantly if we’re incompatible. I don’t discriminate. I can be on the phone or over the internet and know.
21. It is in the way a person addresses me.
22. I am the only person that does the dishes and folds the laundry. It has to be done in a certain way. My clothes have to be sorted by graphic tee’s, solid tees, and color. My jeans are assorted by thickness.
23. I have twilight blindness. I can’t see things correctly during that time of day.
24. I carry my person journal on my person at all times.  You never know when you’ll be inspired.  You also never know when someone wants to take a peek at your dirty little secrets.
25. I used to make wishes.  My wishes have always come true, but in a Twilight Zone kind of way.  There was always some kind of catch that ruined it all.  Remember the episode about the man who just wanted to be left alone to read his books?  And he got his wish, but then his glasses broke and he was all alone.  It’s a lot like that.  So I don’t anymore because I know there will be consequences.
26. I have a cat that wipes my tears away when I cry.  He paws my face without claws. (He passed away since this was written.)
27. I think it’s ridiculous to give a kid a weird first name.  So, in case my kid want a weird name, I gave him a weird middle name.
28. I think the most random thoughts.  For instance, my husband and I were once talking about daily activities that burn calories.  I asked him, “How many calories do you think a seizure burns?”  Today, we were talking about how we were going to manage to find a girlfriend for another friend.  He’s kind of nerdy, so I said, “Maybe I should start telling these girls he has money?  Do you think that would help?  It worked for Bill Gates!  How much money does someone have to have before they stop being a nerd?”  Honestly, I want to know these things.
29. Flashing lights drive me nuts.  Imagine me verses a strobe light.  I have a message indicator that is driving me crazy on my voicemail right now.  But I just don’t feel like listening to it.
30. I have to sleep with my feet outside of the covers.  My feet are my temperature control.  If they’re too hot, then I’m too hot.
31. I am almost always barefoot when I can help it.  You see, my depth perception is terrible.  In order to not trip and fall all of the time, I use the sensations in my feet to guide me.
32. I count stairs.  I can tell you the amount of stairs that are on every stairwell that I encounter frequently.  13 in my house.  14 in my parent’s basement and 16 to the upstairs.  And 10 each going up each floor at work, with eight leading into the building.
33. Every clock I have that isn’t set to a satelight is set randomly ahead.  I don’t know the real time, so I have to assume that what I’m looking at is the real time.  This is how I trick myself into being early.
34. I am an organizational freak, not a neat freak.  Everything in it’s right place.  I want to know where I can find anything on a moments notice.
35. I am extremely scheduled.  I have to do things at certain times or else my day isn’t going to go right.
36. I am obsessed with the weather.  Especially during hurricane season.  It is absolutely fascinating.
37. I collect odd things from places I travel to.  In fact, I have sand from Myrtle Beach in a baby food jar with a little ceramic turtle with a little straw hat sitting on my desk.  I went to a theme park in California that was selling as many rocks as you could fit in a tiny bag with a drawstring.  I have a collection of decorative boxes from various places.
38. Old world maps tickle my fancy.  It’s amazing to see how differently people viewed the world in those days.
39. I believe in the power of hematite.  Hematite supposedly absorbs negative energy.  To clear the energy from the hematite, you bury it in the ground for several days to return it back to the earth.  I actually had a hematite ring shatter once.  I was going through a really bad time.
40. I cannot spill a drink without freaking out about it.
41. I hate the smell of raw onions.  It is intolerable.
42. Perfume is my best friend.  I have this fear that I smell bad.  So everything I use is scented.  Lotion, bodywash, shampoo, deodorant, body spray, perfume, anything you can name.
43. I don’t like wearing jeans.  I prefer skirts and what would be considered a house dress.  But, I live in Pennsylvania and we have two seasons here.  Winter and construction, also known as summer.  Jeans are required dress. (I wrote this before I wrote The Grey Season.)
44. I cannot stand getting my face went unless I’m fully submerged.  That means, I hate any kind of precipitation, with the exception of a good summer downpour.  Now that’s a way to get wet!
45. I can’t stand when my husband uses my toothbrush or razor.  So I intentionally buy pink colored items so he doesn’t use them.  It’s not manly.
46. Everytime I dye my hair, I always have to do a trim.  So, I take a sample of the hair and I keep it in a ziplock with the date on it.  That way, I can always keep an assessment of my hair color at any period of time.
47. I like having certain imperfections.  My hair is cut choppy and asymmetrical with a weird part for a reason.  I love the scars that I didn’t inflict upon myself.  I have stretch marks all over my body for various reasons (growth spurts, pregnancy, etc).  I love when my dark blonde roots come in against my white blonde hair.  And I especially love my eyes.  They are each split in half in color.  One part is green-gold and the other part is blue grey.  Maybe people think I look like a mess, but I think I look real.
48. The noise of someone biting their nails is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  Ugh.
49. I can predict the weather based on previous injuries.  When my hips and knees hurt, a serious storm is coming.  I’ve never been wrong.
50. Pickles. There can never be enough pickles!
51. I eat something with peanut butter in it every day.
52. I always take note when I notice the clock says 12:34.
53. I obsessively listen to music until I know all of the words to the song.
54. I obsessively watch television shows and movies in the same way.
55. I believe in toilet snakes. I always check the toilet before I sit down.
56. I have an unnatural love of cemeteries.
57. I always write in cursive. But it’s a severely bastardized version of cursive that combines some print.
58. With two exceptions, I have lived on the same street my entire life.
59. With two exceptions, I’ve worked on the same street in my life.
60. I cannot use touch screen phones. I think I emit some kind of electrostatic charge that messes with electronics.
61. Street lights used to constantly go out as I walked under them. Weird.
62. I have a shower ritual. I wash top down for maximum cleanliness. I’ll keep it short and sweet so we don’t venture into the land of TMI. Shampoo, exfoliate, rinse, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, body wash, shave, rinse, rinse.
63. I tack 15 minutes onto the estimated duration of everything I do. It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bus stop, but I’ll allot 25 minutes.
64. Confession alert! I fib to my Pdoc and tell him I’m taking a higher dose than I’m actually taking. Reason: I’m squirreling away medicine in case my insurance gets cancelled.
65. I wear my socks inside out because I can’t stand the seam.
66. I refuse to vacuum unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. I hate, hate, hate the sound.
67. The more nervous I get, the more make-up I pile on.
68. I compulsively scratch the plaque off of my teeth.
69. I triple check myself before I leave the house for work. Do I have everything I could possibly need?
70. I think it’s cute when old guys hit on me. Come on, they’re over 70 and usually married. What’s the harm?
71. I am extremely sentimental. I keep the oddest things. I have a memory board packed with odds and ends. Coasters from great dates, ticket stubs from awesome movies, etc.
72. Typically, I won’t answer phone calls that aren’t a 412 area code. But I’ll always answer phone calls that start with my local prefix.
73. When I use a public restroom, I try to use the third stall in. Here’s my logic. Most people will use the first stall, if available, for convenience. People like me will know that and go for the second one or the last one. So, I use the middle one – less germy and nasty.
74. I keep track of everything. I have a drawer for paid bills, pay stubs, insurance info, etc. I have another drawer for work to keep old lesson plans, attendance rosters, and my professional portfolio. I have calendars with notes and post it’s everywhere.
75. I keep junk. You know, for arts and crafts. I think it’s green.
76. Well, you all know about how I like to invent new words. I don’t consider it bastardizing the English language. I think of it as expanding it.
77. I get very irritated with that text language people use. I can’t read it!
78. I loathe gymnasiums. Every Tuesday, when I’m assigned to go to the gym, I literally cringe. I still have dodgeball flashbacks, I guess.
79. I have a system of predicting outcomes. I think of the absolute worst case scenario (WCS) and the best case scenario (BCS). Then, I think of the 2nd WCS, and the 2nd BCS. Usually, it comes out 2WCS. I bank on it.
80. Did I mention that I have unusually bad luck? Very unusually bad things happen to me. A drunk driver crashed into the front of my house. No, I don’t live on a curve or a corner and the clearances on either side of my house are about 3 feet.
81. I believe that everyone get allotted one movie moment a year. By movie moment, I’m talking about that one moment where something good happens that defies all odds.
82. I can sing by ear. I can pick both melodies and harmonies in songs.
83. I’m completely paranoid that someone in my household is going to get into a life threatening accident when I’m not present.
84. I teach my kid swear words. I mean, I’d rather my kid be in the back of the bus telling the other kids than the other way around.  Told you I shouldn’t be a role model.
85. I am in love with suede.
86. I still have my comfort object from when I was a child. She is a small purple rabbit and her name is Furry. She is still kind of a comfort object.
87. I like carrying a heavy bag with me everywhere I go. I have to travel with everything but the kitchen sink to feel prepared.
88. I still prefer cursive to print.
89. My short-term memory is shot. Did I say that yet? Gotta love Lamictal!
90. I wrap myself in a fleece throw when I’m feeling depressed. It’s as close as I can get to a hug.
91. I think I lived a past life, mostly in the 60’s and 70’s. I gravitate toward culturally relevant things from that time.
92. I am a Jewdistian.
93. I kickbox appliances. I hope they don’t start fighting back.
94. Horror movies don’t bother me. Disaster movies are terrifying. 2012 was the scariest movie I’ve ever seen.
95. Ok, I’m totally getting locked up in the loony bin for this one. I believe that ancient aliens genetically modified the homonids on this planet to create homoeretus.
96. I mouth the words to songs in public while listening to music. I’m not talking about in my car. I’m talking about doing it on the streets of Downtown Pittsburgh.
97. When I’m feeling insecure, I sleep in a ball near the foot of my bed.
98. I very seriously fear a zombie apocalypse.
99. I will never eat the last of anything.