Only for a Season : 30 Days of Truth

Day 09 : Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I carefully considered this question, and scanned my mind for any possibilities. I bounced it off of my husband and it came back with an answer.

I cherish everyone in my life. I will hold to them as tightly as I can, if they have any meaning. And, if they do drift, they were meant to.

The character Madea explained in the stage production of Madea Goes to Jail about the nature of relationships.

If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let – them – go!”

Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you’re always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

Later in the monologue, she equates people to parts of a tree. Some are leaves that bud, grow, and blow away at the end of the season. Others are branches, some of which may snap and leave you flat on your back. And then, there are the people that are roots, unseen, deep in the earth.

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it… just let it go. Let folks go.

I used to have a problem where I’d clutch to people and force a relationship that was only meant for a season further. Eventually, I realized that I was doing myself more harm than good. This was before the wisdom of Tyler Perry through Madea. Sometimes I wish a Madea existed in my life a long time ago. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to come to my own conclusion.

Eventually, I started letting people go. And worse, there were some I had to evict from my life. My husband calls it, “Flushing the Social Septic Tank”. Anyone I determined was causing me harm for their own benefit had to go. My friendship, affection, and loyalty is worth more than that.

At first, this was a difficult process. I, too, have been evicted from the lives of others. Some of these separations were justified, but many were not. Rejection is not something easily brushed away. It is taken very personally. It often starts to erode my self-worth. I never wanted to be responsible for imparting that upon another being.

After a few major falling-outs, I came to a very important realization. It was often the fear of isolation that drove many of those friendships. And most often, it was the pain of severance, rather than the grievance of a lost friend. Those things shouldn’t be primary motivations for fostering a friendship.

After that epiphany, I refused to enable unhealthy relationships. In all likelihood, it caused me greater pain to pander for affections rather than their suffering after severance.

Many people are ships passing through my waters. Some dock, and others continue wandering in and out of the harbor. Then, there are those that come, dock, and are never seen again. I can’t be expected to board every ship, and certainly not to sail off into the great blue beyond.

In summation: Let folks go. Don’t spend a lifetime mourning their departure. We don’t mourn the passing of seasons. It is nature’s way.

9 thoughts on “Only for a Season : 30 Days of Truth

  1. This is an interesting topic. I think I am kind of unusual, in that I have so many people in my life, so many very close relationships, where there was a time we had drifted so far that I was certain they were the domain only of “used to.” I used to know. . .

    In some of them I reached out, in others the other person did, and I think there are a few where there was just a sprinkle of the Universe around us.

    My point is, these people fill the most important places in my life, and in my heart now. So when people leave my life (or even when I leave theirs, which is a rarity, but it happens), I never think of them as being gone. The door is always open in my heart to everyone, and while I won’t guarantee success, I will always try again. And in some cases, again and again and again. . .

    I dunno. Maybe there’s something else to it for me. Maybe a lot of it has to do with the degree I hold memories and experiences with people inside myself forever. The bad and the good, I let the bad cool until it is just a shadow; not much, barely noticeable behind the light of the good, lingering only so that if I do find that person again, I know how to watch for it and keep it at bay.

    As long as I carry someone so completely, they will never have drifted from my life.

    • There are some people I have had to close the door on. They are best left in the past. From what I have learned in my past, if I attempt to open that door again, one of two things will happen. Either that person will still be the same or more so, or we will have grown too far apart. The latter is the better of the two, as it allows me to keep that door open, or at least unlocked.

      But, I’ve determined that I can’t live my life with my eyes on the rearview. Otherwise, I will not be paying attention to the road.

    • Though hilarious, Tyler Perry has so much wisdom in those movies. I love Madea. For as wild as she is, she really knows about life. And that’s great.

      I’ve come to find in my experiences that the peoples of the African American communities seem to carry a certain wisdom that other communities do not. Minus their tendencies to go to extremes, and a certain penchant for violence, of course. But, I have learned more in my time where I work about life and people than I have anywhere else. It’s wonderful.

  2. Pingback: 30 Days of Truth | Sunny With a Chance Of Armageddon

Any thoughts to contibute?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s