I’ve been in a hypomanic episode since since I wrote A Mixed Bag on September 26. You can count. It’s been about 12 days. My record is 14.
It started out pretty dysphoric and it was thought that I was going through an ultra-rapid cycle. That’s unusual for me. My hypomanic episodes are usually awesome. I hate to say that, and I’m not encouraging anyone to indulge any kind of mania.
Normally, I have these incredibly euphoric and productive hypomanic episodes. I am overloaded with confidence and ambition. I feel like I can take on the world, and I often do. I have overly high self-esteem where I boast and brag incessantly. I’m hypersexual and that’s always met with great enthusiasm. I do indulge that hypomania by getting everything I can out of it.
Because I know that I will inevitably have a terrible crash into depression. That’s why I call it a pendulum. The further the pendulum swings into mania, the further I can expect it to swing back into depression.
I’m not a very active person by nature. One of the main reasons why hypomanic episodes are limited to 5 to 10 days is because my body simply can’t take it. Hypomania forces my body to be as active as my mind. Therefore, I either experience a mental crash that pulls my body with it vice versa.
Thursday morning, 4:56AM, I was awoken. I had a sense that I had been in a near waking state for awhile. By whole body ached, even in places it doesn’t usually ache. I had the worst pain in my head. I wasn’t even tired when I got up, although I had only slept three hours by then. I took two ibuprofin and a half a milligram of xanax with the hope that I’d be asleep again soon. At 7:03AM, I was back in bed.
I’ve been in agonizing pain all throughout my body when the ibuprofin wears off since.
Am I sick? It feels like the flu with no fever. No fever, no illness. Is it because of the Beni Koji I took on Thursday night? I’m not sure, because I figured my body should have processed it by now. But, I have another idea.
I think my body is finally giving out under the hypomania. Too little sleep, too much activity. But my mind is still pushing on, although there are moments where I am absolutely incapacitated with pain. I’m still ablaze with hypomania!
Why and how is this happening? How long can I expect to be hypomanic? Really, I’ve never exceeded 14 days. Will this pain go away? Should I see a doctor? Is the pain related?
Any ideas? I could use as many POV’s as I can get.