I’m not sure what is real anymore.
Have a read. I’m hoping this is not a problem that is unique to me. And I’m really hoping that this isn’t permanent and there are personal insights.
I have been dreaming lately. I’m glad for it, because I notice that I have more stability when I’m having more REM sleep. I think the medicine change did the trick. But now, it’s causing a problem I’ve never had before.
I took a nap today. I had some awful dream I won’t go into. In the dream, C.S. and I were grocery shopping and he picked up a bag of ice. Later, while making a grocery list, I had to ask if we brought ice. He told me no.
My dreams are bleeding into reality!
I thought he bought the ice. I really did.
I had to think really hard as to whether or not an exchange happened between my boss and I. She addressed me and said, “Em (she calls me), is anything going on? You haven’t been yourself lately.” I was totally befuddled. I replied, “No, I’m fine.”. Then she started disciplining me for having a poor attitude toward my co-workers and my students.
No, that’s not logical. I’m always in a good mood, even if I’m a little less than social or enthusiastic. I’ve never been mean to a co-worker or student. And I have never, never, never exhibited an attitude problem. The kids make me a soft, warm person. There is no irritation or malice there.
It couldn’t have been real. It wasn’t logical at all.
I know how it is happening. My dreams have been unusually vivid and fluid lately, allowing me to include mundane events and details. My short-term memory is a little less than sharp because of the Lamictal, so my brain isn’t banking the memory correctly. It gets thrown in a catch all pile that sorts it into long-term chronology. It’s getting filed wrong.
I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified that my line between reality and fantasy is starting the blur. Fantasy is bleeding over. How long before I totally lose touch with reality?