Firstly, I want to apologize to anyone who was alarmed by my absence. I always hate when I hurt people by my actions. I should have put a message out there first.
We’ve seen the trend. I have been suffering crippling depression and I’ve been dragging it around like a heavy weight with me. Every hour, of every day has been brutally agonizing. I have been trapped in my head, trying so hard to not let it bleed over into my life. I went as far as I could. And then I collapsed.
I wrote a rambling word document after days of crying episodes spilling everything that was wrong. It didn’t help.
I turned my phone off. I didn’t need anymore than I already had. If I was going to be alone, then I was really going to be totally alone. I went nearly catatonic. I didn’t speak much. I tried desperately to stay as horizontal as possible. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to stare into space. I wanted the numbness to come. And it never did.
My phone was off for 5 days. And everyone was none the wiser. I discovered this and sunk further. So much for friends.
I am not in a good place. I keep sinking farther and farther, frozen in place as I go down. I’m trapped in my head. I can’t solve any of my problems. I feel hopeless to even try anymore.
I reach out for help to the people who are supposed to be the closest, and I am left hanging on the branch, clinging to it, trying to avoid the fall. I don’t. I always hit with a thud, more shattered every time.
So I reach out to you, like I should have in the first place. Help. Please help me. I don’t know how I can keep going on and there’s no way out. I’m trapped. I’m hurting, confused, and I only want to hide. But there’s no place to do it.
Please. Grab me on that branch.