As the Pendulum Swings
Depression
Working Up To It
I have always thought of myself as a pretty open book. I don’t flat out lie. If I am asked a question, I will always try to answer it honestly and to the best of my ability. Any misinformation is either from a miscommunication or an accidental omission. I have been having symptoms far enough … Continue reading
Through the Wood
I feel liberated! Something happened today. There was no click, or anything that proceeded it. It came as a light trickle from an empty well. I felt inspired. I started generating original thoughts again. The dense fog dispersed, and I could see once more. I awaken from an inky, dreamless slumber that lasted millenniums. The … Continue reading
A Better Version of Me
My eyes weren’t even open yet. The pain was exquisite. My belly ached with hunger. Good. That means it’s getting smaller. My muscles were raw and sore. Good. They’re getting stronger. I opened my eyes and peeked at the clock on my Blackberry. 8:45AM. Seven hours. Plenty. It’s doing better than the nine or more. … Continue reading
Anxiety Know No Logic
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. – Winston Churchill That is an absolute, inescapable truth about chronic anxiety and anxiety disorders. While we attribute out fears, phobias, and anxiety to external factors, the fact of the matter remains. It is the fear that drives the anxiety. Recently, I have experienced what is perhaps … Continue reading
Faded. Tired. Uninspired.
I’m in hiding. I can’t put my finger on it. What the hell is going on with me? I feel like I’m doing laps around it. Hotter, colder, colder, hotter. No matter how hard I search, I cannot get a grasp on the object of my torment. This has rendered me useless. Depression, as it … Continue reading
The Rage
Even with the ever shifting moods of bipolar disorder, there remains two constants. Irritability and reactivity. Countless times, I have relayed that to others. The potential for emotional reactions is a constant. These are the two trumpeters that herald an oncoming episode. Consider it a precursor to the earliest of symptoms on either side of … Continue reading
I Made a Promise
There is no escape. I made a promise. And I don’t make promises that I can’t keep. (Stream of consciousness. It has to come out quickly.) Knock on wood. I think I might be turning a corner! A corner in the labyrinth of depression may lead one to – * a straight and narrow path, … Continue reading
Quiet Desperation
Warning: This post covers sensitive subjects and strong themes that may contain triggers. Reader discretion is advised. This is the cage I built for myself. Feral beasts are dangerous business. Clever, tricky, and adapted to escape at all costs. Be still. It may not see you. Still, silent in the brush. It obscured any vision. … Continue reading
The Trickery of Remission
Warning: Content has potential triggers. Reader discretion is advised. I had come to terms awhile ago that Bipolar Disorder is a lifelong disorder. There is no cure. There is treatment. An abundance of treatment. It was disheartening. It was a huge, ever-looming, oppressive idea. I’m going to go through this for my entire life. Not … Continue reading
A Spectrum of Depression
Blank. Each time I go to write, I get a blank. Is it a blank, because I feel as if I don’t have anything important to say. Or is it a blank, because if I make a certain statement, then it is real. It becomes something tangible in this world, not only for me, but … Continue reading
Trigger Warning
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