As the Pendulum Swings
Archive for November 2011
Tarnished and Golden Friday
Lulu Quirk #5 – extreme claustrophobia. Large crowds in tight spaces are the easiest way to set off a panic attack capable of anything. Black Friday might be the scariest day of the year. Every year, I reserve this day for hunkering down in the bunker and waiting it out, like people wait out a … Continue reading
Thnks Fr Th Crcs
I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Best of all, my family. Especially after this Thanksgiving. I had originally forgotten that our presence was required for Thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws. I was reminded the moment I awoke. Ugh. There goes my plan to visit with my family and enjoy the rest … Continue reading
Touched by Fire
The anxiety bubbled up like kitchen fires, one stove after another. All I could possibly do was frantically run around, futility attempting to put them out, one at a time. No amount of benzodiazepines could erase the scene, etching itself deeper into each fiber. The machine continued to manufacture scenarios airing on screens in the … Continue reading
Marginally Clear
Thanksgiving will hopefully be a day of thanks. It marks two weeks since the LEEP procedure. Since it falls on a holiday, my doctor’s office was kind enough to squeeze me in on Wednesday, Nov. 23. I’m sure the scheduling nurse I spoke with was aware that I’d have a Sword of Damocles hanging over … Continue reading
Emerging Patterns in Cyclic Analysis
I wrote With This Pill in extreme aggravation. I have a theory based on observational findings about the pattern. I cycle around every two months. Pendulum began June 19, 2011, with the post To See If I Still Feel, describing an incident involving depression and self-injurious behavior. Three days later, on June 22, 2011, in Shifting Gears, … Continue reading
A Serendipidous Night
I took a cue from Ruby’s Gratitude Journal and have devoted myself to posting weekly about positive things. It is not necessarily gratitude, but things that fill me with warm feelings, beautiful sights, and little wonders. Monday did not have to give me a poke this week. I found it all by myself, without so much … Continue reading
With This Pill
“I will be okay. This is not real.” “This is as real as it gets.” “No, I know better. This isn’t me. What I think is happening is not actually happening.” “Just take it then. Take the Xanax and this whole thing can disappear.” “My emotions are not controlled by a drug.” “No, they’re not. … Continue reading
My Belle is a Thimble
I am the placeholder in my own life. Tragically, circling the bastard love child of Monopoly and The Game of Life. I walked the line before and after my surgery. I shuffled and wobbled. Would I fly though the air or land on my head? Carefully inching forward, I teetered into a four. I edged … Continue reading
Just A Little Short
“Just got out walked by someone twice my age. Rawr surgery #FML”. (Shameless self-promotion alert). All over my Facebook and Twitter. I’ve been relying on these social media outlets recently because I’m honestly too bushed to piece together something resembling a coherent post. Besides, I already have plenty of intoxicated ramblings on the internet if … Continue reading
Mind-Reading: A Futuristic Possibility
I’m not typically one to report the news. In fact, I tend to keep my opinions on religion, politics, parenting, and most other volitile subjects to myself. But, this was entirely too disturbing. An article on CNN’s belief blog entitiled Keep Government Out of Mind-Reading Business caught my eye this morning. How would you feel if … Continue reading
Trigger Warning
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